Home Sex Life Couple masturbation, a deliciously necessary art

Couple masturbation, a deliciously necessary art

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Psycho and sexo

Naturally practiced alone, masturbation can interfere with the couple to reveal unsuspected benefits.

There are some pleasures of life that we prefer to satisfy alone than (even well) accompanied. And as far as we can remember, masturbation has almost always been a part of it. However, we can qualify them as “solitary”, these pleasures are just as enjoyable when they interfere with the couple. Caressing one another with or in front of the other then becomes a mutual and shared act, awakening desires that are too often guilty and poorly assumed.

“When I asked my partner to masturbate in front of me, he was completely disturbed. It was the first time he had touched himself in front of someone. It took him a long time to manage to let go completely ”, says Julie, follower of pair masturbation. While statistics estimate that we are 47% to stroke in front of his·his partner, the subject remains sensitive, perpetuating an eternal taboo that it is no longer time to break.

Pleasures lonely shared

You might sometimes wonder how something as natural as masturbation can be experienced as a disgrace. However, what develops in our panties during childhood (already behind the backs of parents) can become over the years a secret to keep, or even to avoid. Because if you caress yourself above all to do yourself good, some remain convinced that masturbation – much more than sex in general – is bad.

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“Masturbating is natural. The proof, animals do too “, launches Lidwine Arendt, sexologist and couples therapist in Brussels. “But as they grow up, some people – especially women – detach themselves from it because of the many beliefs that come with it. ” When some think that touching each other is cheating, others believe that ” this is inappropriate “, that it is dangerous (risk of disease or dependence). “For some men, knowing that their wife is fondling herself is a form of loss of virility”, explains the specialist. “They feel like they are useless. ” Within the couple, masturbation suddenly takes a back seat. Like a treat to treat yourself from time to time, but especially not too often. However, underlines Lidwine Arendt, it constitutes an art which it is necessary to pamper in order to fully develop its sexuality.

Practiced as a couple, autoeroticism (in Freudian terms) is revealed in a new experience, rich in unsuspected benefits. © Unsplash / Gaelle Marcel

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“In sexuality, there is no standard”, recalls the initiator of the “Apéros sexo” in Brussels, round tables open to all and which tackle sex without complex. “Not feeling the need to masturbate may seem abnormal for some”, she explains. “Others on the contrary wonder, especially when they are in a relationship, if it is normal to still want to indulge in solitary pleasures. ” If the two reflections are equal, the important thing is to be “Comfortable with their sexuality” and attentive to their needs. “What gets abnormal is when you hurt yourself with it and suffer from it. “

The pleasure of the one who masturbates is received as a gift by the partner who watches.

Carried out as a couple, autoeroticism (in Freudian terms) is thus revealed in a new experience, rich in unsuspected benefits. The problem is that we sometimes have a hard time doing ourselves good in front of the other person. “Masturbate to each other or in front of her·his partner is first and foremost a game. It allows everyone to discover themselves, to share their habits, to guide the other in the way in which we like to have fun ”, says our expert. But well before kisses or caresses, it is above all a question of letting go and complicity. “It’s about revealing your privacy to others, learning to let go, devoting absolute trust to your partner”. An appointment which, if taken with respect for everyone, can stimulate desire, improve self-confidence and body esteem.

couple masturbation
© Pexels / Mahrael Boutros

The art and the way

If there is no good or from bad way of practicing masturbation, the sex therapist recalls that the best is certainly not the one we have become accustomed to applying solo. “At the age when boys start to masturbate [soit dès 2 ans et demi, ndlr], they do it with the fear of being surprised. They therefore learn to do it quickly and mechanically ”, she explains. In women, needless to say how late revelations about the clitoris – and vaginal pleasure in general – have buried the mysteries of female orgasm (and its nuances) that we are still working to pierce.

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According to the rules of the art, masturbation must primarily mimic the sexual relation, indicates Lidwine Arendt which enumerates its essential “conditions”. Take the time, first of all, to avoid the hasty, badly done. Lubricate his cock, then. Vary the speeds and pressures, undulate your body, play with breathing, let the sounds come out (moans, cries), eroticize your body by caressing parts other than the penis… These are all elements which, when properly taken into account moment, allow us to replace our lonely and archaic habits with delicious teamwork. Some may therefore choose to spice up their antics by using sextoys. “These little toys can be even more fun when used in pairs”, concludes the sex therapist before adding that “When you masturbate in front of your partner, he receives your pleasure as a gift”.

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