To educate children and establish a constructive dialogue with them you need authority and listening. According to Paolo Crepet today his parents have forgotten him
Today parents often lack two very important qualities, to educate your children you need “authority and listening “.
” I would like the adults you will meet to be capable of authority, firm and consistent: qualities of the wisest. Consistency, I’d like it for you “, writes Paolo Crepet in the preface of his new book, in which he speaks with tones of criticism and indignation towards the adult public who seem to have forgotten today that it is up to them the arduous task of educating. Today’s parents, overwhelmed by too many work commitments, which as the author asserts, now serves to allow us the superfluous, are unable to establish a constructive dialogue with their children.
About the authority, all parents ask themselves how to be strict or indulgent with their children especially if it is the first child but there is no perfect formula, every child is different as well as every mom and every dad are different. Children need rules, and the rules must be clear and consistent, and parents must behave as a couple and take a stand in front of their child together, be authoritative and maintain their position, otherwise the child will take advantage of it.
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Beyond the rules, punishments are also needed but they must be proportionate, children must know the limits they cannot overcome. However, it is certainly important that the family atmosphere is always pleasant.
If the child exceeds these limits, one must not react violently. Authoritarianism is never a solution. The important thing is to keep the point and if the child continues to have an incorrect behavior you must not threaten him without then punishing him this will make you less authoritative.
It is important that there are also moments in which you praise him, the good ones, because in education you need balance, together with consistency it increases the authority of the parents and also makes the rules clearer for the child.
It is important that as regards the children, the vision of the mother and the father are in agreement, otherwise the children are very good at identifying the weak points and leveraging them.
When children are very restless and difficult to manage, first of all it is necessary to exclude that there is an attention deficit or hyperactivity syndrome, restlessness is a symptom of discomfort within the family, before moving on to punishments it is better to ask yourself if we are the cause of this behavior.
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Another important point Crepet talks about is listening sometimes we don’t give importance to what they say because they are children or teenagers, instead for them expressing themselves is very important in order to free their emotions and then there is always something to learn from children. They know how to forgive, go beyond and look without prejudice, some of them may have difficult experiences so it is good to be welcoming so that they can open up with us adults.
It is important in the tram of everyday life, to find time for them to listen to them, sit and look them in the eye, this will show them that we have interest, respect and a desire to understand their point of view.
Our children express their emotions in many different ways and it is up to us to decipher them. Since they are young, obviously the ways of expressing themselves can change: they are crying, playing, drawing, behavior, sometimes stomach ache or headache. It is very important to give weight and listen to their anxieties and fears without diminishing them, you have to put yourself in their shoes and listen to them, what they feel they feel is important, let’s not make them feel weak for what they feel, in this way we help them to recognize and manage their emotions which is very important for them to become stable people, with good self-esteem and trust in themselves and in others.
It is important for them to know that we will be there ready to always support them, with our emotional presence and through contact. Finding time for our children must be imperative, the adult they will be tomorrow will depend on this.
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Dear unimamme, did you know how important it is to listen to your children and be authoritative with them? Personally it has been along my path to learn to listen and understand my children and I still have a lot to learn. Under the aspect of being authoritarian it was more natural for me to learn to be authoritarian, even if there is always something to learn and I have not yet gone through the very difficult phase of adolescence.